Tuesday, January 14, 2014

What Love Is...round 2.

How I define Love.

* Love is singing Happy Birthday, out loud, to a friend's baby gone too soon from a beach on Cape Cod.  Love is talking to Ethan, and asking if he liked the 4th of July fireworks, as if he were a child of your own.  Thank you Beth.

* Love is a friend reflecting upon the loss of her baby sister, and now as an adult, offering me support in the way I am speaking about and including Ethan with his sister and brothers.  Thank you Wendy.  And separately, thank you Alison.

* Love is taking family photos for me during Ethan's month.  Refusing to be paid.  And traveling across country to do so.  Thank you Chelsea.

* Love is performing assistant photographer duties during the above-mentioned photography session.  Carrying lots of bags, laughing instead of rolling your eyes when my kids threw tantrums, and shoving gummies at my kids as bribes for smiling.  Thank you Val.

* Love is walking in memory of Ethan in a non-profit walk to support and raise awareness around babyloss.  Thank you Kristen.

* Love is sending my family on the Boston Duck Tours last summer.  Knowing that we have always wanted to do so, but couldn't really stretch the dollar to do it on our own.  Seeing how healing simple family experiences can be for us.  Thank you Anonymous friend.

* Love is sending Christmas gifts "with Ethan in mind."  Thank you Lawlers.  Thank you Theresa.  Thank many of you who have done so.

* Love is thinking of sweet Ethan, with a butterfly, rainbow, the beach or something else.  And sharing that you thought of him.  Love is remembering.  Thank you Laura.  Thank you Daphne.  Thank you Julie.  Thank you over and over to lots of people.  Love is being able to say "lots of people" in this circumstance.

* Love is walking with me in the March for Babies in Ethan's honor last May.  For hobbling around the walk with a back injury.  For seeing my PTSD and grief freak-out coming from a mile away...and carrying me through it.  For coming up with a funny "code word" with me that day, code for "get me the hell out of here."  Thank you Val and Chelsea.  

* Love is pretty much yelling at someone who gave me a hard time during that March for Babies, because you understand.  Thank you Michele and Dan.

* Love is telling people that I have 4 children.  Love is telling people my REAL number, without prompting from me to do so.  Thank you Raeanne.

* Love is giving me your mother's lilac bush, knowing I remember Ethan with lilacs - my favorite bush and it blooms in May.  Love is not getting upset with me that the bush didn't transfer well and in fact, died.  Ugh...  Thank you Kathy.

* Love is taking the time to read my silly little journal here.  Love is actually thinking about what I have to say, rant about, swear about, and celebrate.  Love to all of you.

* Love is taking the time to comment or reply.  To reach out about something I shared here.  It translates to me that you love me.  Thank you all.

* Love is having a willow tree angel overnighted to me after hearing my cries that it had crashed on my floor.  Thank you Mary.

* Love is boldly telling me that you wish for me to have the peace a mother deserves, knowing that I had done all I could to save my son's life.  Thank you Gabe.  And thank you others.

* Love is making me a memory box to hold Ethan's few belongings in.  So they no longer sat in that empty diaper box.  Thank you Jenn.

* Love is making time, no questions asked, for your spouse to talk with me on the phone as I cried...again.  Thank you Bob.  Thank you Jess and Brandon.  Thank you Mike and Jenn.

* Love is fighting for a stronger marriage.  For finding our way through this storm together, sometimes differently, but always returning together.  Thank you Josh.

* Love is giving your mom an out-of-the-blue hug, with an extra-tight squeeze.  Thank you Caroline.  Thank you Jackson.  Thank you Ryan.

* Love is praying for us.  Thank you all.

* Love is allowing Ethan's brief life and ongoing legacy, inspire great love in you.  And for sharing how that translates for you.

1 comment: