Pride

Ethan has a job you know.  In Heaven.

This post might sound grandiose.  I am sure it is actually.  But to me it is true.  Because I feel it as the truth.  Know it, inside of me.

I am a person of strong faith, believing that we are spiritual beings beyond our physical beings.  Having always believed that, I have been open to those who speak of experiencing spirits, messages from loved ones passed, God, etc.  Many in my family have spoken of such experiences, though I have never had firsthand experience myself.

Two people, my sister and my friend Denise, have spoken to me about Ethan's spirit.  Well, I guess three people, if you count my therapist.  Though my therapist was professionally vague about this - simply recognizing that Ethan has an "old soul."  A few days after Ethan died his spirit visited my sister Gail, to assure me (through her) that he had made it to Heaven just fine.  And you've read about Denise's amazing encounter with Ethan and God in a former post of mine, Tears of Joy.

When I heard about the Newtown tragedy I felt deep within me that Ethan was there.  That he somehow had a role in comforting those little children.  This sensation was strong, I cannot explain it differently.  But I didn't say this out loud to many people, for I was questioning whether this was almost wishful thinking.  (certainly not wishful that Ethan died or that those in Newtown died)  Wishful in the way of Ethan having a purpose to serve.  That despite his death he was still helping others.  So I didn't say much to people about it.

Then one day I was talking with my sister about Ethan.  She told me that he has some kind of role in Heaven.  A job really.  One where he helps little ones cross over.  I loved that, and wanted to believe it desperately.  The idea hung around me and I asked my friend Denise as well.  Denise & Gail are right on.  Ethan is "Mr. Social" apparently, feeling honored to welcome his new friends into Heaven.

How I wish there was no need for the job that Ethan fills.  Yet how proud I am that my son fills that role.  I cannot be the proud parent who touts their baby rolling over early, or sharing what his first word would have been.  But hey, not many can say that their child is actually an angel.  That's not too shabby.

I'm proud of you Ethan.  Have been since those 4 days you fought so hard to stay on Earth.  Keep up the good work.