Merry Christmas Ethan

I will tuck a note inside your stocking on Christmas Eve.  I've already wrapped the small gifts and treats to fill your sister and brothers' stockings...but there was nothing to wrap for you.  There will never be anything to wrap for you, and that sucks.

You are with us.  This I know.  And I'm so thankful I feel you.  It means more than I can say really.

I bought a puzzle, one of the nice Melissa and Doug ones, for a one-year-old boy at Ryan's early intervention program.  It should be yours.  I'm sure you would have liked it.  Heck, I liked it.  It would have been nice to have it in our home.  I'm sure that little boy will enjoy it too.  So that brings a smile.

I miss you E.  A lot tonight.  In a sad way.  Not just in the beautiful, loving, warm way that has (thankfully) frequented my days.

I have the beach stones we painted for your apple tree back now.  I think I will put your name stone under the Christmas tree.  I don't know what else to do with it.  Not yet at least.

So on Christmas Eve I will tuck a little note from me to you in your green stocking monogrammed with a white E on it.  I'm thinking of filling your stocking with flowers on Christmas day this year.  A celebration of your beautiful life and the continued presence you have in ours.  It shouldn't be look empty, for it is filled with love and beauty...inspired by you.

Love you E, always.   -- Mama.

P.S.  Be sure to pop in when the kids run downstairs and open their gifts under the tree.  It's the best moment of the year.  So you need to be there too :)